The Case Of The Missing Muse
by Fictionnaire
Summary: My muse has mysteriously disappeared... Who better to get to help find it than Agent Mulder and Scully. Fun ensues as I struggle to keep my hands to myself and we try to figure out who in the X File world has stolen my Muse... Completed.
1. Introduction

**The Case Of The Missing Muse  
A/N: My X File muse has gone, so who better than to ask a bored Mulder and Scully to find it. Of course this story includes me and I join in, but there's a thorn in the side... I have a thing for the Redheaded Agent Scully:D**

Mulder sat playing his desk with pencils like a drum set. Lately he had been very, very boring, he wasn't sure how they got out of the mess in Falls Church. Ever since then, there had been no cases, no excitement oh hell, there'd even been no little misadventures. All the filing had been done and then redone by Scully. She to was becoming antsy and agitated at nothing.

"When did we last have a case Scully?" Mulder asked as he put the pencils down.

"I don't know Mulder," Scully answered. "Who would've thought that working on the X-Files with you would become so boring," she continued.

"Gee thanks Scully," Mulder smiled at her. It was true that lately nothing seemed to happen. They spent their days trying to alleviate the boredom in many ways but they were running out of ideas. "I'm beginning to think we've investigated and solved everything. We need a case soon or I'm going to request a transfer to missing persons," Mulder added.

"There must be something left," Scully said.

"You want to dig up Krychek and freak Skinner out?" Mulder asked.

"If we don't get anything next week, I'll bring the shovel," Scully said seriously. There was just something that they had to do to entertain themselves. The last month, they'd been sitting in their office twiddling their thumbs with complete boredom. Not just twiddling their thumbs, Scully was becoming quite good with air guitar and when Mulder brought in Guitar hero, the guitar met with an unfortunate accident when Mulder did heavy metal. Scully was furious with him... She didn't even get to have a go at it. Sure Mulder apologized but that didn't change the fact that the guitar hero guitar was in pieces.

That was when I walked through the door. For those who don't know me, I'm Fictionnaire and I'm an author for fanfiction. I knocked on the door.

"Enter," Mulder called out. "If you have a case," he added.

Boy oh boy, did I have a case for them. One that I'd think Mulder and Scully would enjoy the challenge of solving for me. I adjusted the papers in my hand before walking in. My heart beat faster and I couldn't believe I was about to meet Mulder and Scully.... In person.

"How can we help you?" Mulder asked. He knew I wasn't FBI but didn't question me.

"I'm Fictionnaire," I extended my hand out.

"That's a weird name," Mulder said to me. Well, I didn't want him to know my real name.

"That's rich coming from someone who's first name is Fox," I said smiling. He smiled at this, I'm glad that he had that famous sense of humor still. I looked around the office and noted the famous poster behind him.

"Well?" Mulder prompted.

"I'm sorry," I replied. "It's just actually being in the basement office is nothing like I expected. To actually see it in person," I commented. The whole feeling was amazing. I was in the presence of Mulder and... Dana Scully. "Hello, Miss Scully," I extended my hand to her. Her perfume was everything I had imagined it to be... Alluring, appealing. I had always thought of her as the most beautiful woman in the world, but in person, even that didn't do her justice.

"Fictionnaire?!" Mulder had to shout to get my attention.

"What?!" I snapped back. My mind was finally back.

"What brings you down to the FBI's most unwanted?" Mulder asked. I remembered how that's how he first greeted Scully and laughed. "What's so funny?" He asked.

"Oh nothing," I answered.

"Well then what do you want?" Mulder asked.

"Oh yeah," I answered. "I came here because I need your help. I'm a writer for a site could fanfiction, but there's a problem." I said. Well there was a big problem. "My muse has gone missing," I could feel my bottom lip quiver. It was sad that someone must have stolen my muse. "I think my muse has been stolen, abducted or even done away with."

I noted that Mulder and Scully exchanged looks. Even though I couldn't see it, I was sure that Scully was rolling her eyes. Perhaps she thought it was some kind of practical joke. "Really," she said.

"This is serious," I reiterated. "Without my muse, I can't write," my bottom lip quivered. The thought of perhaps never writing X-Files again was sad to me. I don't know how my readers felt about that, maybe they'd be happy about it.

"Alright," Mulder said. He was bored and was willing to investigate anything. "Do you have a list of suspects that'd want to get your muse," he said.

Scully's shoulders heaved as she was trying not to laugh at the absurdity of it then she said those three famous words. "Oh my God," she said. "You're seriously going to investigate this?"

"Yes, I do have a list of strong suspects," I replied. "I had assumed that you'd ask me that question. There's Agent Taylor," I began. "I put him through hell and I did kill off his girlfriend," I saw their mouths open in shock. "Bare with me... There's you and Scully because of that whole Falls Church serial case. Agent Myers, because he's an asshole... Agent Jack, well I think he wants to get with me... Krychek, actually I don't think he has anything to do with this, but I just wanted to say his name," I smiled and watched their reaction. "Agent Pendrell, because he didn't get Scully... Bill Scully since your relationship with each other has hit a new level. Charles Scully since I don't write a lot by him. Skinner because I always cause trouble and turn his agency upside down."

"Is that all?" Scully asked.

"Well there's Doggett, but I doubt it, because I've been nice to him." I continued. "Agent Fuller because I keep dragging him into Agent Myers adventures. Agent Willmore, because I keep making fun of him for losing his badge. Agent Dale Cooper... Again I just wanted to say his name. He is so cool... I just want you two to meet. Fanfiction authors Xfilescraziichick.. She and I have written similar stories, I think she wants me out of the picture... The X-Filer because I wrote a story about him and I think he's never forgotten it and Ash from Evil dead series only because you're going to interview everybody and I want to meet him." I said to Mulder.

"Now is that all?" Mulder rubbed his face.

"That's all I can think of on the top of my head," I answered him.

"So, your muse was last seen of fanfiction?" Mulder asked.

"Yes, fanfiction dot net," I gave them the website address. They'd perhaps need to read some of the stories to get a feel for what possibly could have happened.

"What are you doing?" Scully asked me.

I hadn't realized that I had inched closer to where Scully was sitting and found myself sniffing at her perfume and admiring the red hair. I had always found redheads sexier than anything and now having Scully within touching distance. "I want to thank you two for doing this for me," I said solemnly and I placed my hand on her shoulder and pretended to cough as if I was steadying myself. "Sorry, I lost my balance," I tried to sound convincing.

"First things first," Scully edged her chair further away from me. "I think we should check out this fanfiction dot net site." She said.


	2. Fanfiction and Interrogation

_**The Case Of The Missing Muse II**_

_**Fanfiction stories and Interrogation **_

I couldn't believe that the one and only team of Mulder and Scully were sitting at the computer reading my stories. My stomach churned nervously. They were actually reading _MY _story.

"Here's something not X-File related," Mulder said as he clicked on one of my NCIS stories again. "You didn't list this Anthony DiNozzo as one of your suspects. You've been really mean to him," Mulder said.

"I know," I replied. Hell, that was true, I love Tony Torture. "But since I really torture him, don't you think he'd want my X-File muse back so I can lay off him a bit?" I explained.

"You have a point there," Scully said. Her face behind the monitor contorted in disgust. "Oh my God," who doesn't love those words seriously or am I the only one? "You had me being kissed by Myers… Eww," she whined.

"You think that's bad… I've been abducted by Alfred Hitchcock," Mulder's eyes widened, apparently he'd never thought that could ever happen. "These stories are truly weird."

"There must be some you like," I felt rejected.

"The Courtship Of Dana Scully," Mulder said. "Now that's really funny with such a good ending and Lovesick Puppies is quite interesting. Burn Mulder?" Mulder laughed at that story.

"Those are my favorite ones," I said. "Now you see why I suspect so many people," I continued.

"Yeah," Mulder shook his head. "Damn, we've been so bored lately, this would've kept us entertained for days," he said. "So lets get to the second order of business which is –"

"I get to interrogate you two," I interrupted him. "Mister Mulder can you wait down the hall please, I'll call you when I'm ready. He reluctantly obeyed. I sat in Mulder's chair after he left. Oh man, it was amazing to actually sit in the chair behind the desk. It was something that I had always dreamed of.

Scully waited impatiently for me to start my questioning.

"Where were you on the night of February the 23rd?" I asked her.

"What?" She was totally shocked by the question from left field.

"Where were you on the night of February the 23rd?" I asked once more.

"What has that got to do with anything?" Scully asked me.

"I'm asking the questions here," I told her before turning the lamp on and shining it on the face. "Do I have to ask you a third time?" I asked in a commanding tone.

Scully maintained eye contact with me. "Are you trying to intimidate me?" She asked.

"Is it working?" I asked hopefully. That was a trick I learned from watching movies. Hell, I watch a lot of movies and there has to be some things I have picked up.

"No," Scully said so flatly it caused me to frown.

"Then I wasn't trying to intimidate you," I told her. But I could tell she didn't believe me. "Anyway, so where did you take my muse?! Where are you holding it?!" Desperate times call for desperate measures. "Look, I understand how you must feel, I know why you've taken my muse. If you give it back, I'll write a good story just for you," I tried to barter with her.

"I don't have your muse," Scully said. "And that good cop bad cop routine sounds stupid when you do it with just one person," she said.

I sighed. I thought it sounded really good. Honestly, I never really believed that she would take it, but it was still fun trying to intimidate her. It was a domination thing, it was a power play. To tower over Scully, to make her submissive and to make her -. "That'll be all," I crossed my legs and shifted uncomfortably in my seat and adjusted my tie. There was silence that followed. "Can you send Mulder in while you're out there?" I asked as I coughed.

I waited for Mulder to come through the door and he looked at me long and hard which made me even more uncomfortable. "Sorry," I stood up and offered him the seat which he promptly sat down. "Can I pour you a glass of water sir?" I asked as I took out the bottle and filled a glass. Guess that's one of the perks of writing stories, things can always be there when you want them.

"Thanks," Mulder said flatly.

"You're welcome," I replied. "Cigarette?" I asked as I held out a cigarette for him to take it.

"I don't smoke," Mulder held his hand out.

"Just take it," I said placing it in his hand. "I think all your obsessed fangirls would find it sexier if you did."

To my surprise Mulder actually put it in his mouth. "Well?" He asked.

"Oh it suits you. I bet all the girls are getting hot right now," I answered his short query before leaning closer and slapping the cigarette out of his mouth with ferocity. Thank God I didn't make contact with his skin. "But I'm not impressed!" Mulder jumped slightly. "I know you've been sitting here bored shitless," I said. "You want to know how I know that? I haven't been writing anything!" I shouted. "All you have to do is give me back my muse and then you can go on to solving interesting cases and having your little misadventures again." I walked around him and whispered into his ear. "You can get back to courting the sexy Dana," I said while smiling. Hell if I was Mulder I'd give me back my muse.

"I don't have your muse," Mulder said. "I really like the adventures… But I can't give you what I don't have," he said and I sighed. "You're really going about this the wrong way aren't you?" Mulder asked.

Perhaps I was going about this the wrong way. I watch CI, sometimes I watch Law and Order. Hell, I use to be a fan of Harmon Rabb. I think it's about time I bring my TV knowledge into play. "I'll be back later," I said.

"We'll be happy to take the case," Mulder said. I turned to look at him. "After all, we've been bored out of skulls. This is the first real case we've had in months," he explained his reasons.

"Fantastic!" I exclaimed. It was something I was hoping for. "But I want to be along for the ride," I said, treating like it was some sort of author ride along. It was going to be one hell of a ride, but I just hope that they succeed in finding my muse. After all that was what I really was here for, the rest is just bonus.


	3. The Scully Residence

I walked back into the basement fully dressed up for the part in a white ceremonial suit with medals all over my left chest and the hat stuck under my arm. Now I was ready to be taking suspects in for questioning or going out to see them. Mulder looked at me strangely when I coughed to get his attention.

"That's ridiculous," Mulder said. I guess I really didn't look as if I belonged in this get up. "Who are you suppose to be?" He asked me.

"I guess you can call me, Harmonnaire Rabb," I answered. It was meant to be funny but nobody laughed. Where was an applause sign when you needed one? I had to admit that it was pretty lame myself and I bet people reading this are shaking their heads at the lameness of it. That's if they even know who Rabb is. "Are we going to get going?" I asked.

"We're waiting for Scully," Mulder said.

"Good idea," I replied hiding my smile.

As if it was prewritten, Scully waltzed in through the door. I closed my eyes momentarily to take a personal photograph of her. A laugh almost escaped me, if anyone was reading this on fanfiction… They'd call me Gary Stu but I guess that'd be better than being called a Mary Sue. "Are you ready to get going?" I asked her, attempting to match the level of enthusiasm I've seen from Mulder on so many occasions.

"Where are we going?" Scully asked tentatively.

"We're going to your mother's house," I answered, making sure it sounded as if that was a normal plan.

She looked over to Mulder with a questioning look. "Hey, don't look at me Scully," he defended himself. "He came up with this foolbrained idea all by himself."

"Gee thanks." I said to Mulder with only a hint of a smile. "I want to go and see your brothers Bill and Charlie," I said.

"I don't think Charles would," Scully began to say.

"I have a feeling that he'll be home," I said to her. They just don't get it do they?

"How can you be certain?" Scully arched her eyebrow that would usually send people running for the hills. Not me, I was infatuated with it. That look is so… Well that's for another time. Some thoughts are better left unsaid.

"Trust me," I said with a smile.

The looks I received. I made a mental note to kick myself because trust of course is a hard thing to come by in the X-file world… Trust no one, was the one creed that they lived by. I smiled again, hoping to God that I had a supernatural smile power. The impatient looks I got told me that I didn't have that.

* * *

_**The Scully Residence**_

Being in the presence of Bill Scully jr was unnerving. Here's a guy that towered over my small frame and it didn't take too much effort for him to look intimidating. To hell with that, I thought. He can't intimidate me too much, there was much more at stake than his sibling code.

"What brings you around here?" He asked me.

I just stepped into the house and already he'd begun drilling me. Why wasn't I more prepared than this. In the hope to disarm him, I pointed to my uniform in hope that he'd think of me as JAG but with my short stature, this probably only came across as a joke. "I'm here on business," I answered him. "Take a seat," I said nicely.

"No," he replied.

That was when I decided the only way to deal with this asshole was to become an asshole and match personalities with him. Turn the proverbial table so to speak. "Sit down!" I yelled at him. I don't know if I intimidated him or if he just figured that any argument was going to lead into a pissing contest, Bill sat back down. "Thank you," I said. "Let's get started then, shall we?" I asked.

"Let's," Bill replied. He was already acting all impatient. The people on Fanfiction have definitely got his personality down pat. This guy was a real asshole already.

"I know that you have never liked Fox from the very first moment you saw him. Believe me, I can totally understand that," well that was only a half truth. I think like some men, we secretly hold a dislike for Mulder because we're jealous. Scully should be ours… Scratch that, she should be mine.

"You got that straight," came the cold, callous reply.

"And I totally understand why you'd think you have reason to take my muse… After all I did put the two together," I said.

"Whoa back up," Bill said. "How the hell does one take a muse?" He asked.

"If I knew that, half the case would be solved," I told him. It'd be much easier once I figured out how somebody stole my muse. "Hey, I can make a deal with you… You give me back my muse and I'll get Mulder and Scully divorced," I said hopefully but somehow I knew that things couldn't be that easy. I was only in the third chapter of this story.

"That's a great deal…" Bill replied. "I would give you your muse if I had it, but I don't and therefore I can't," Bill added.

I sighed as I crossed his name off the list. "Thank you for your time," I said. "I honestly can't see why every one thinks you're an asshole," I commented without realizing.

"What?!" Bill stood up just to remind me how big he is I guess.

"I said, I can see why your mum likes a shoal," I answered him.

"Right," Bill said.

"Just send your brother in," I said impatiently. Dealing with him any further will be quite annoying. Everybody sure as hell has him pegged right. "Sit down please Charles," I told him as soon as he entered. You know he's not that much shorter than Bill, and he's a hell of a lot thinner.

"What can I do for you?" Charles asked. You know what they say about brothers… There's usually one evil and one good. Well it seems everyone knows that Charlie's the good one. Scully doesn't count, she's a sister, so don't jump me about that.

"You seem to be away a lot," I prodded. "And when you come back it's basically like you have absolutely nothing to do," I said to him. "I put it to you Mister Charles Scully that you are holding my muse hostage. Well I can perfectly understand what you're doing. Hand over that muse and I'll make life very interesting for you," I smiled an evil smile without thinking about it.

"For starters I don't know what a muse looks like so I can't even steal one even if I wanted to," Charles answered. It's quite interesting when you think about it. They had the same background and how all three of them have turned out so differently. Four of them if you count Melissa. "Anyway, I like the quieter life," Charles said.

"You know, I can see why people like you better than Bill Charles," I commented quietly.

"That's because I don't go around being such an asshole to everyone I meet," Charlie laughed. "So I guess anyone's more friendly than Bill," he added.

"Thanks for your time," I said to him earnestly. "If I find my muse, I'd be sure to write a story just for you," Well that was a pretty big if," I mumbled under my breath.

* * *

I walked outside the Scully household and waited for Mulder and Scully to come out. Of course I felt disheartened about not finding my muse right now… But I have to admit, that I look damn good in Harm's uniform. I was wondering if I should change to the brown one though.

"Can I drive?" I asked Mulder. I was practically begging.

"Sure," Mulder said as he tossed the keys over and I just managed to catch them. "So you know how to drive?" He asked.

All I could do was smile. "Sure I do… I learned from GTA," I said, I was absolutely beaming.

"Where's that school?" Scully asked. I don't think she's ever heard of it.

"Grand Theft Auto," I corrected. Yeah, I play that a lot.

"Give me the keys," Mulder said as his attention turned to me.

"Nah-uh," I answered. I really wanted to drive.

"Yeah-huh," Mulder saw that this argument belonged to me. "Have you had any actual driving experience at all?" He asked.

"Ye-es," I answered slowly. I was unsure if I wanted to share my driving lesson experience.

"How did it go?" I don't think Mulder really wanted to know. Well he still asked me right? And how could anyone lie to those puppy dog hazelnut eyes? I sure as hell couldn't.

I opened the car door. "My passenger and instructor arrived at the cemetery alive," I answered flatly.

"That's good," Mulder said as he was about to enter the car, "Wait! What?!" He stood up and looked at me blankly.

"Nobody's ever complained about my driving before," I assured them. "Trust me," I told him.

"Oh My God," Scully said.

"Oh, oh…" I said as I stepped into the car.

"Oh, oh what?" Scully asked in a scared tone.

Let there be good beer, I asked. I opened up the glove box and tossed a drink to Mulder and Scully. "You never heard of the X-File drinking game?" I asked them.

"No," Mulder said cautiously.

"Every time Scully says "Oh My God" we all have to have a drink," I told them.

I went to take a mouthful… "I draw the line at drinking and driving," Mulder said as he took my bottle away from me. Well that's alright, I hated beer anyway. Next it was to visit my favorite X-File character and while Mulder and Scully both had guns, I sure as hell wasn't going to mention that. This maybe a story… But I really don't want to go out being shot, I'd rather be poisoned… Cough cough… I better not let anybody know that.

We're off to see Krychek, we're off to see Krychek, we're off to see Krychek the best guy on X-Files. Go on… I dare you to argue with me.

* * *

A/N: Next Chapter… If you hadn't guessed, we're going to see Krychek. Still no sign of my real muse… Oh well, silliness and stupidity shall reign supreme until then.


	4. Alex Krychek

_**The Case Of The Missing Muse**_

_**MISSING PERSON/THING POSTER**_

_Help needed… Muse is missing._

_Last seen: The Omega Countdown, Tipping The Balance and in the general vicinity of the X-Files fanfiction._

_I can't quite describe the muse all I can say is that you'll know it when you see it, a word of warning, approach with extreme caution._

_Generous reward offered: Whoever hands over my muse, will have a nice story written about them in the X-File universe about what they want. Any idea will be taken, there's nothing too silly or too outrageous for me. After all, read my other stories._

_Contact me via whatever with any information needed.  
__Signed: Fictionnaire._

That was one of the many posters I've already plastered around. Hopefully someone would answer it. Anybody? Anybody? No? Of course it wouldn't be that easy… Excuse me while I…

Drat! Oh lord! Oh man! Oh boy.

I hate this General rating thing. It's terrible when you can't even swear like you want to. Yeah I know that that doesn't achieve anything but one has to let go sometimes. I checked the rearview mirror. It was surprising to see that they had taken to the drinking game so quickly. Perhaps telling them about the game was a mistake.

A ten minute drive to Krychek's location turned into an hour's drive. When I said I drove, I didn't say I drove too fast now did I? At least I wasn't bunny hopping the car now.

Mulder and Scully staggered out of the car. "I missed the new year's party," Mulder sighed drunkenly. "I think I missed half the year to."

"Yeah," Scully replied laughing.

"Shut up… I wasn't that slow," I told them before knocking on the door anxiously.

"Hang on," That familiar quiet voice said. I heard the footsteps approach the door and the door finally open.

"Alex Krychek," I said eagerly as I shook his hand vigorously and tapped the arm. "This is an honor," Krychek was scary looking. I was half expecting to see him with full blackness in his eyes.

"And you are?" He asked me.

"Fictionnaire," I answered quickly. "Can I come in and ask you a few questions?' I asked him.

"If you stop shaking my hand," Krychek answered me.

"Sorry," I didn't realize I was still vigorously shaking his hand so I finally stopped. "Mulder… Scully, come inside." There was something amiss here, I still felt like I had hold of his hand. I looked down and saw I had hold of Krychek's fake arm. "Woops," I sheepishly said as I handed back his arm. "Sorry," was all I could say as I tried to reattach it. It wasn't as easy as I thought it'd be. "Sorry," I handed his arm back to him.

"What brings you lot to my place?" Krychek asked, still looking at the suspiciously drunk Mulder and Scully. "What happened to them?"

"I introduced them to the X-File drinking game," I answered. Yes, that was definitely a mistake. "Every time Scully says Oh My God, they have to take a drink," I nodded in their direction. As he clearly saw, the game was in full swing.

"Figures," Krychek said. "So what brings you lot around here?" He was beginning to sound impatient.

"Beer run!" Mulder shouted.

I wanted to hide, this was embarrassing. "Are you familiar with muses?" I asked him.

"Of course I am… I rely on mine for songwriting," Krychek told me.

"Really?" I asked. "I didn't think you sung," I said. Well that was true, I knew Nicholas Lea sung but never once thought that Krychek would.

"Yeah," Krychek said. "What's this about?"

"I lost my muse," I said pathetically. For those who've seen the Supernatural episode Bad Day at Black Rock would understand this line. I sounded like Sam saying, 'I lost my shoe'. It seemed so fruitful to even think I could find it. I wonder if I could hold someone else's muse for ransom… Hmm that's beginning to look like a good move actually. If I can't have mine… Nobody can. MUAHAHAHAHA.

Sorry, got carried away there.

"Oh?" Krychek asked. "Let me guess, you think I had something to do with it," he said. That wasn't what I was thinking at all.

"No… No, oh no." I said, "No, not at all," I told him. "I really just wanted to meet you. But I do have one question for you… How the hell do you keep hold of your muse?" I asked him seriously. People always have their muse and never lose it. Well I have, I needed away to keep it if I ever did find it.

Krychek leaned forward with a serious look on his face. "I keep mine in the closet," he answered.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah," he answered. "It's never been out of the closet and I prefer it in there," Krychek said so seriously, I almost had to laugh. Fortunately, I was able to hold down my laughter with a cough and a nod.

"Hey," Mulder was beginning to sober up. "Krychek, have you got his muse?" He asked. "We all know how much of a troublemaker you are," he said accusingly.

"Don't you dare accuse me of this Mulder," Krychek said. "I maybe a troublemaker as you so aptly put it," he said. "But I will NOT steal anyone's muse."

"Would you submit yourself to a lie detector test?" This time Scully chimed in.

"No way," Krychek said quietly.

I was annoyed that the two began ganging up on Krychek. How dare they do that while they're around me? But there was one niggling question I wanted to ask him… Maybe hooking up to a lie detector would finally get the truthful answer. Of course that wouldn't be any good. Krychek's too smart for that, he'd fool a lie detector rather easily.

I stood near the door. "Oh can I just say, how much I admire you Krychek?" I opened the door. "I really love you," I told him.

"Damnit, I'm not Gay! I'm gonna kill you Mulder… You wrote about me on Wiki and now everybody thinks I'm Gay," Krychek said. I could hear him as I called for Mulder and Scully to escape. There's no way in hell I want to be held responsible for killing off everybody's favorite duo.

"Where to next?" Mulder asked me after he took the driver's seat as well.

"To X-Filer and Daniel Addiction's house," I answered. Who here wants to put a wager on them holding my muse at their place? I can really imagine them torturing my muse with Ten Good Reasons stories. I huffed in anger… Them two are going to wish they didn't have my muse if they did. "Step on it Mulder," I ordered him.


	5. XFiler's house

_**THE CASE OF THE MISSING MUSE…**_

_**(X-Filer's House)**_

Of all the years of watching X-Files, Twin Peaks and any other sci-fi TV show or movie I could get my hands on has taught me one thing… Always be prepared and listen to your gut instinct. I have found a new creed to live by… WWDWD which of course means.

What Would Dean Winchester Do? You know I thought about it being WWSWD? But you know Sammy? Ok, I'm obsessive… Get off my back!

WWDWD? I opened the trunk to the car and pulled out my favorite pistol… The Smith and Wesson. Hey so what if the trunk is full of guns. This is my story after all. I pulled back the hood and allowed it to snap back fully and loudly.

"I'm coming in," Mulder said with his weapon drawn and at the ready.

"Sure… Fine… Whatever," I told him. The curtains in the windows moved. Damn, there goes the surprise. How did they know I was coming? Who the hell tipped them off? I knocked on the door and waited for the response.

"Who is it?" A female voice asked.

"Fictionnaire," I answered flatly and allowed Mulder to press his ID against the window. "I want to come in and talk," I tried to sound innocent so she wouldn't suspect the real reason I was here.

"Come in," I assume that this was the infamous X-Filer.

"I've narrowed down a list of suspects of people that have my muse… Guess what?!" I shouted the question. "You're on top of my list," I shot in an accusatory tone.

"Oh I see," X-Filer said too calmly. I waited on the doorstep for the elaboration. "How about you give me Ten Reasons to why I should give you back your muse?" He asked. I should have seen that coming. "But you can't mention Muse or me," he quickly added of course he had to make it difficult.

I decided to play along. "Alright then. Number ten, I have a gun and I'm itching to use it to shoot somebody. Number nine… Werewolves are called Lycanthropes."

"Wait," X-Filer interrupted my list. "Why should I care about Werewolves and Lycanthropes?" She asked.

"Because… Number eight, I'm a fan of Stephen King. Number seven, Dana Scully is hot. Number six, I actually drove a car today." I continued the list.

"Is you driving a car suppose to impress me?" X-Filer asked.

"If you knew my driving, you would be impressed," I answered her. "Where was I? Right… Number five, I'm missing writing X-Files fanfiction. Number four, I live on the opposite side of Australia… Number three, the number three reason is in the mail. Number two, I'm going to Bali in March," I was on a role.

"What is it you wanted?" X-Filer asked.

"My damn Muse!" I snapped. "Number one…"

"Sorry… You lose," X-Filer interrupted me.

"What?" I asked. "How could I have lost?"

"You mentioned Muse… I said without mentioning Muse," came the answer.

Well that made me furious. I pulled out the smith and Wesson and held it against her head. Usually I'm a nice guy, but this was really starting to piss me off. "Now you give me Ten reasons why I don't shoot you now, without mentioning guns, bullets me or you," yeah, I wanted to make it damn near impossible.

"Come on," X-Filer said. I pressed the gun harder against her temple. "Ok, ok. Number ten… It's now 11.45. Nine, Mulder is cute. Eight, a house is not a house without walls and doors and a roof. Seven, Jack Nicholson's character broke his nose in Chinatown. Six, dog racing is boring. Five…" X-Filer looked lost. "Alright… Alright!" She pleaded. "The muse is in that room over there," she pointed to a door.

I put the pistol back into the back of my trousers and looked in the room and turned the light on. The room was empty except for a large chair in the middle. I slowly approached it and swiveled it around… There was a box so I picked it up… The digital counter said 1.00.

"You didn't think I was going to give it up that easily," X-Filer said. I could hear the sniggering in her tone.

0.55, 0.54, 0.53… "Shit," I cursed. No muse. I'm stuck in a room holding a bomb. This was like one of those lateral thinking puzzles.

'You're stuck in a room, holding a bomb that will go off in under a minute… What are you going to do?' "Shit," I said again.


	6. Chapter 6

_**The Case Of The Missing Muse X-Filer's house 2**_

0.55 0.54… Oh crap this wasn't good. The door was locked on me. Had I really pissed X-Filer off that much? I mean… So what if I wrote a story about her? It was only in good fun. Oh right, the bomb. Thinking quick, I placed it at the door and then hid as much as I could behind the chair which was the only possible course of action. The blast shook the room and did what I hoped it would… Blast the door off its hinges. Fortunately the chair managed to protect me from the flying splinters.

The dust settled and I was waiting at the now empty door frame with a smile. "Oh X-Filer, hope you know this means war," I said stepping into the main area after the dust settled. I needed more firepower. Thank God this is my story. Unfortunately in my stories I've never had too much control over the characters but at least I've had control over the environment.

Alright, I love having weapons in the trunk. As soon as I left the house I heard the door close. Oh no, Mulder was trapped inside with the X-Filer. Oh, oh. I grabbed the axe and shotgun. Playtime was over, this was serious.

I used the strap of the shotgun and placed it over my shoulder before chopping the door in… "Heeeeere's Johnny!" I called out. The only reason why X-Filer would want to kill me was because she had my muse and didn't want to give it back. "Come out, come out wherever you are," I sang out.

I dropped the axe as I entered deep within the house. It felt like I was in a horror movie. "All I want is my muse," I shouted at nothing. "Muse?! Muse?! If you can hear me… Tell that cur the law's coming… You tell her I'm coming and hell's coming with me," of course I love to quote movies. "1…2… Fictionaire's coming for you. 3…4… Won't help to lock your door," I sang out. Hell, I don't even know if X-Filer even watched A Nightmare On Elm Street.

I walked up the stairs… Ok, in here she has a two story house. In this god awful created reality, god knows how many stories this house could be. "I promise I won't write anymore stories about you," I tried bargaining. When all else fails. Try to reason with the target. "Come on," I pleaded. My confidence was wavering. That was until I saw my muse sitting still on the chair. The quietness was disturbing but I approached my muse without heeding my internal alarm bells.

There was a large whooshing sound as bars came down from the roof, encasing my muse and me. "What the-?" I asked in shock.

"Ha-haha," I heard the female maniacal laugh. "Now I will never let you go," X-Filer said. "In fact I don't think I'll let my Foxy-Woxy go either."

Well that I could live with. What woman didn't want Mulder all herself? That was ok, I had my muse… I smiled a troubling smile.

"What are you smiling at? You're trapped," X-Filer asked.

"I always say that my muse is a real beast… And that beast gets real hungry," I answered her. "Muse… Eat through these bars," I looked at X-Filer. "You better run," I said. She heeded my warning and did so.

But I wasn't going to play this game. My muse and I stood toe to toe… Nose to nose. "You want to teach this girl a lesson? Let's trash this place," I said. Shotgun blasts and the sounds of upturned furniture could be heard all through the house. My muse and I ran amok until I found something of X-Filers. A box containing a magic pen. I laughed as it glowed in my hand.

A noise could be heard in the next room. "Come on," I said. "Let's go." We ran out the front door where Scully was about to enter the house.

"Where's Mulder?" She asked me.

"Get in the car Muse," I said before turning my attention to Scully. "He's inside. There's just one thing I want to do," I said. Well, I'm the hero of my own story am I not? I grabbed Scully and kissed her until she was out of breath. The hero always gets to kiss the girl. "He's inside," I repeated as I jumped into their car and drove as fast as I could… "Woops," I said as I knocked over the letterbox. "Sorry about that! Accident!" I shouted at the house and returned home.

I had X-Filers' magic pen… I had my X-file muse and a large bill waiting for me at home for $23,513 due to damage to doors, structural damage, bookcase damage, furniture damage and one broken letterbox. I scrunched it up. Who cares? I had my muse back.

**_A/N: No muses were harmed in the writing of this story._**


End file.
